Forget flip-flops or 3/4 length cargo shorts, the worst thing to be seen wearing this summer is the milkshake. Engulfing the political canvasing of the European elections recently, everybody from Tommy Robinson to Nigel Farage has been getting the cold bukkake treatment. The traditional egg and flour method of showing political figures what we think has been getting the youthful makeover of a thick and icy McDonald’s milkshake. (Or Five Guys subject to budgets and neighbourhoods).
Is it milkshake weather yet? Expect to see a spike in sales. Showing the generational divide of this election, the milkshake treatment is a sloppy anti-establishment reminder of an expression that goes back centuries. Here’s how to style it in:
1. Dress to match. Go for the Colonel Sanders or Tom Wolfe option of milky white tailoring. Let’s just hope you don’t get covered in a chocolate shake.
From Right - Colonel Saunders looking finger licking good, Tom Wolfe in his trademark white tailoring
2. Pretend it’s vintage Maison Margiela and the paint effect is all part of the look. Distressingly distressed.
3. What came first? The egg or the milkshake. Prempt a strike and go for a Tough Mudder or a wet Glastonbury chocolate brown covering.
Right - "Corbyn, Corbyn, Corbyn" Glastonbury the new political opportunity?
4. Get on the shiny PVC/rubber trend. A quick hose down and you’re ready to go.
5. Who cares? Own it. Wipe your face and move on. You’re a political soldier.
6. Layers. Be a human post-it. Pull it off and start again.
7. Opt for a clear mac. Business underneath a see-through mac.
8. Go full on Leigh Bowery. Get that drippy look and make it look like performance art.
From Right - Boy George as Leigh Bowery, Leigh Bowery
If all else fails, make a swift Brexit. Soz.
Milan gave us handbags, more shiny coats and reasons to look like a tourist. Here goes AW18:
Ooooo, look at you! Bags have been getting smaller, so we may as well call a spade a spade.
From Left - Fendi, Palm Angels, Prada
The future is wipe clean and the quicker you get your head around this, the better.
From Left - Gucci, Fendi, Prada, Versace
Below - Both Moschino
Like a walking 70s airline logo.
Below - Both Fendi
This could be one of my favourite trends of the season. Not blurred lines, but distorted ones.
Above From Left - Fendi, Ermanno Scervino, Marni, Moschino
The new caping.
Left - Gucci
Nothing wrong with looking like a tourist in AW18. The worst the better. Just don't look up!
Below - Fendi, Prada, Prada
Any blanket looking design cut into a coat or simply just thrown over your shoulders.
From Left - Fendi, Gucci, No.21, Marni
Below - Marni
What did Oscar say about resisting temptation? Dress like you haven't.
Below From Left - Gucci, Dolce & Gabbana, Dolce & Gabbana
This is part normcore, part 80s, part 90s, part...
Fear & Loathing lenses. I wore these all last Summer and they ain't going anywhere.
Below Both - Dolce & Gabbana
Paris men's is the home of the big fashion hitters and it didn't disappoint for AW18:
Thought leather trousers were just for the Hoff?! Think again. Leather shakes off its stereotypical rockstar image and gets smart enough for business attire.
From Far - Dunhill, Paul Smith, Hermès, Berluti, Ami, Wooyoungmi, Cerruti, Louis Vuitton
Once the sole preserve of Moncler wearing European language students, the ultra shiny puffer is the future of cold weather jackets.
Left - Dunhill
Why have one boring layer when you can have three colourful layers all showing at the same time? Rollneck, polo shirt and tank. Tick, tick, tick!
Both - Kenzo
Male Floral Twinsets
If you're going to wear a twinset, it may as well be covered with flowers.
Below - Both Kenzo
This is the season for reflection with silver accessorises. From bags to boots, choose something you can see yourself in, literally.
From Far Left - Dunhill, Kenzo, Lanvin, Louis Vuitton
No animals were harmed in the making of these. It’s not supposed to real or fake, but fun.
From Far Left - Kenzo, Pigalle, Sacai, Kenzo
Big shoulders and longer jackets continues to push the tailoring boundaries.
From Left - Kenzo, Wooyoungmi
Look like walking Matchesfashion.com packaging!
From Left - Louis Vuitton, Dries van Noten
Yves Klein blue is the bold, primary accent colour of the season.
Below - Officine Generale, Hermes, Acne, Facetasm
The AW18 colour of the season.
From Left - Paul Smith, Facetasm, Paul Smith
Boxer Waisted Short
A true boxer worn high over the hips.
Left - SSS World Corp
PVC, trust me, is the material and finish of the season. Black bin bag? Yes, please!
From Far Left - Balmain, Acne, Wooyoungmi, Louis Vuitton, CMMN SWDN, Haider Ackermann, Walter van Beirendonck, GMBH
The worst wash, in the worst cut. Hello, new jean.
From Far Left - Dior Homme, Vetements, Vetements, Wooyoungmi, Cerruti, Louis Vuitton, Facetasm, GMBH
Landscape Poster Knits
JW Anderson may have done this first, but I still like it.
Both - Hermes
Game of Thrones Coats
Jon Snow way?! Look like a warrior
Left - Alexander McQueen
This is granny mac territory, and I love it!
Below both - Maison Margeila
Don't over think this. Just turn your coat inside out.
From Left - Vetements, Maison Margiela
Weak calves?! This could be your winter leg solution.
Below - All Thom Browne
We’ve all heard about the revival in vinyl over the last few years. The hipster’s music medium of choice, vinyl records are now everywhere from Sainsbury’s to Tesco. Well, the revival continues, but into our wardrobes this time.
Think shiny, think black, think vinyl. There’s something slightly pervy and sexual about it. It is one part Berlin of the 1920s - have you seen Babylon Berlin? it’s very good - one part grungy/graffiti New York of the 80s. It adds a frisson of excitement to your wardrobe and shows your daring side. A walking oil slick, team with coloured lensed sunglasses and flared jeans.
Left - ASOS - Oversized Vinyl Trench Coat - £70
Left - Calvin Klein SS18
Below - 66 North - £670 www.66north.com
Left - Balenciaga - Wobble Leather Jacket - £1795 from matches fashion.com
Left - Topshop - Vinyl Bucket Hat - £16
Below - Moncler - Mancora - £900